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Friendzone: Why you’re stuck in it.

There comes a time in life the elephant in the room has to be addressed, and that big elephant is ‘Friendzone.’ The popular culture defines Friendzone as a ‘Situation,’ emotionally a very undesirable situation. It takes courage to analyse the psychology behind Friendzone. For some, it is too painful to even think about it, and the majority of us have learned to simply roll with the motion and believe that those who have friendzoned us are bad people. Of course being friendzoned is painful, in fact, popular culture describes it as ‘Rejection,’ but that is not always true. The good news is, Friendzone is a third most populated land in the world which means no one is ever lonely in the friendzone (get it?). The bad news is, it is always winter in the friendzone but no summer; so let us hold a minute of an empathetic silence for those diligent and brave souls stuck in the Winterland aka Friendzone.

The popular culture explains Friendzone as a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or intimate relationship, while the other does not want the same. That’s true, a lot of the time when somebody else friendzones you, it means they generally don’t feel the same way as you do. They might have felt that way before, but now they aren’t feeling that way anymore. That’s absolutely okay, it might not be okay with you, but you will need to come to a logical understanding that it is not generally about how they feel about you, it is all about why they feel that way about you. The ‘Why’ behind the ‘What.’ duh.

The problem is, a lot of the time we have let our emotions hinder our articulation to explain to people why we can’t associate life with them. Sometimes we fail to explain to people why we are friendzoning them at first, so we simply cover them up with a “just friend” quilt like a Fire Blanket Extinguisher (#FBE) to silence their feelings for us, and we assume they understand how we feel. Majority of people aren’t hurt because of friendzone but mainly because they were not given enough explanation to why they got friendzoned. There are 2 reasons why people struggle to tell you why they’d friendzone you:

1. Accepting the truth ( “I don’t want to hurt them” or “can they handle the truth?”)

2. Too emotional ( Sometimes when we are emotional we fail even to explain our own feelings).

Many of us are victims of friendzone, some hate to talk about it, and for others, it has become a laughable matter. Some of us have let frustration caused by friendzoned bring forth bitterness, and this bitterness has led to anger and hatred. As an undesirable situation as it is, the big question is, why do people get friendzoned? Here is an ultimate response to this question……..

handsome young man thinking and confused, concept

Friendzone is a category we dump people in for they have fallen short of our standards. When people don’t meet our standards, we settle them in Friendzone land. Failing to meet someone’s standard does not signify that you are ‘Ugly’ or ‘Bad person’ or ‘Not good enough,’ it just means, in the light of their own perspective you have fallen short of their standard. You might consider yourself as a high standard type of person but just bear in mind that not everyone sees or think of you like you see and thinks of yourself. Someone else will always have a diverse opinion about you; therefore, in the light of their perspective you have not met their qualities, or you have not climbed down to their standard.

‘Falling short of someone’s standard’ epigram sometimes has a negative connotation to it but when we think about it logically, falling short of someone’s standard simply means, not being able to tick boxes of what they are looking for in terms of companionship or relationship. It’s not your fault for not ticking someone else’s boxes, it just means you are different from what they are looking for in a person. Everyone has standards, and these standards are defined by the things we desire for ourselves, and that’s not selfishness, we are all created with desires, needs and freedom to choose what is right for ourselves.

The most common category of boxes that causes people to friendzone others is called ‘Non-Negotiable’ boxes. Non-Negotiables are your values that form the core of who you are as a person. These are the very things you would never compromise for ice cream aka relationship. Someone wise once said, “compromising a Non-Negotiable for something else, is simply giving away authenticity.” This is why some people would make you their ‘Just Friend’ instead of giving away authenticity. Someone would friendzone you because you did not tick their Non-Negotiable boxes.

Friendzone is not a bad situation, after all, it is obviously for the good of the friendzoner but sad for the one who is friendzoned. But it’s not the end of the world; it’s not your fault for not ticking their boxes, you might eventually tick all their boxes completely or tick someone’s else boxes sufficiently. It’s not necessary to try to climb up or climb down to meet someone’s standard, just be yourself. Friendzone is not a rejection but simply a redirection.

2 comments

  1. This is the first time I’ve heard of friendzone. Your explanation reminded me of two guys I met at two different workplaces. One liked me from the word go. He told me I was fun and interesting. He asked me to leave my husband and come be with him, which I didn’t. The second guy took an immediate dislike to me. He sneered at me and made fun of me. It was the same old me! I ticked the right boxes and then the wrong ones I guess. You are right. We shouldn’t be hard on ourselves if people reject us. It is all about their expectations of peopĺe.

    Like

    1. aha great! glad it’s your first time, because a lot of people dont like ‘friendzone’. yes definitely we cant beat ourselves trying to meet someone else’s standard, be yourself.

      Like

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